What did the Big Bang Smell Like?

 

Scientists believe that at the very beginning of the universe the various elements of smell we know today were unified into one 'super odour'. They calculate that this tiny seed of singularity smelt very faintly of oranges. In the first few moments of creation, as the universe expanded rapidly, this super odour split into the 17 distinct units of smell as identified in Chuff's Table. Until recently this was pretty much accepted fact, although some dispute has been raging concerning the eventual fate of the Universe. Many believe that smells will go on expanding, gradually dissipating so that they lose all their energy, in much the same way that taste has done in a number of multi-national fast food outlets. On the other hand, if the amount of smell in the Universe is strong enough to provide enough gravitational pull, they could reverse their expansion and begin to collapse in on themselves, combining once more into a single unified odour. Scientists have called this process 'The Big Stink', and several respected researchers claim that something like this is already starting to happen in Stoke-on-Trent.

Stoke...Why?
Stoke-on-Trent
- shit-hole.

Since Quentin Tote's discovery of Marmite, it now seems that the Big Stink is the more accurate model. Furthermore, adherents to this theory have revised just exactly what the Big Stink will smell like. Previously, they had predicted that the eventual death of the universe would smell slightly fusty, with a faint background of walnuts. However, now that Marmite has been included in the equations, the official line is that the end of existence as we know it will smell 'something chuffing awful'


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