What did the Big Bang Smell Like?

Scientists believe that at the very beginning of the universe the various elements of smell we know today were unified into one 'super odour'.

They calculate that this tiny seed of singularity smelt very faintly of oranges. In the first few moments of creation, as the universe expanded rapidly, this super odour split into the 17 distinct units of smell as identified in Chuff's Table.

The eventual fate of the Universe

Until recently this was pretty much accepted fact, although there has been some dispute concerning the eventual fate of the Universe. Many believe that smells will go on expanding, gradually dissipating so that they lose all their energy, in much the same way that taste has done in a number of multi-national fast food outlets.

On the other hand, if the amount of smell in the Universe is strong enough to provide enough gravitational pull, it could reverse the expansion and cause these primordial aromas to collapse in on themselves, combining once more into a single unified odour.

The Big Stink

Scientists have called this process 'The Big Stink', and several respected researchers claim that something like this is already starting to happen in Stoke-on-Trent.

Stoke...Why?

Stoke-on-Trent
- shit-hole.

Since Quentin Tote's discovery of Marmite, it now seems that the Big Stink is the more accurate model. Furthermore, adherents to this theory have revised just exactly what the Big Stink will smell like.

Previously, they had predicted that the eventual death of the universe would smell slightly fusty, with a faint background of walnuts. However, now that Marmite has been included in the equations, the official line is that the end of existence as we know it will smell 'something chuffing awful'


Return to "Kicking up a New Stink"

 

Return to Archive 1

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

What Do Your Keys Say About You?

Madame Fifi LaTour reveals all

Promo Image

Zebra Scanner

Zebra barcodes assist conservation.

Promo Image

The Battersea Wigs Home

That's no life for a healthy young wig.

Promo Image

Centuri Space Supplies

Secondhand space travel

Promo Image

Motorcyle Display Teams

Standard International Formations

Promo Image

Office Safety

Maisy Donnington tells us how to sit on a chair.

 

Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

19 March 2019: Man Shreds Birth Certificate, Ceases to Exist

18 March 2019: CGI

17 March 2019: Brexit Bullshit