Pop-Up Royals

The British Royal family are a great source of interest, both within the UK and abroad, with their wacky displays of precision waving, their practiced ease in unveiling plaques and their bizarre dysfunctional home lives.

But what of the cost? Running a Royal Family will set you back twenty million pounds a year just in hay alone, but on top of that you've got legal fees, medical costs, general maintenance, bungs to the press and Prince Andrew's weekly kebab allowance.

So, with all that in mind, it's no wonder that any ideas aimed at reducing expenditure are given serious consideration.

Flattened versions of our current Royals

One proposal currently on the table is 'Pop-Up Royals'. These would be flattened versions of our current Royals that would be cheaper to store, could be sent easily via courier or through the mail, and could be deployed quickly and with the minimum of fuss whenever there was a need for some important person to open a community centre, shake an old person's hand or be photographed ambling through a freshly painted industrial unit, pointing at things.

Pop-Up Queen

These Pop-Up Royals would be created by flattening our current batch of Royals and then pasting them onto a retractable banner, and the company presently tendering for the contract is keen to point out how painless the process will be.

It stings a little when they go under the giant roller

"It won't hurt us one bit," laughed spokesman Luke Chorley. "Only joking!

"Honestly though, our precious Royals will hardly feel a thing. It stings a little when they go under the giant roller, but the discomfort soon passes. I'll be straight with you, the process does involve a bit of 'crumpling' but most of the Royal family are pretty creased already. In fact, I can think of a couple where it might be an improvement, eh, eh?

"Ahhh, just pulling your leg. Seriously, aside from the occasional unavoidable rip, they'll be fine. We know how important the Royal family is and we know how quickly the nation would grind to a halt if they weren't around to do all the many, many great things that they do, whatever they are. I think one of them flies a helicopter, yes?

"In fact, I'd go as far as to say that we'd have them pressed, mounted and back to living off the flat of the land in no time, ha, ha, ha, ha! D.you see? 'Flat' of the land? They'll be living of the 'flat' of the land. Ahh, don't mind me, I'm just the joker in the pack. Did you know I do stand-up?"

 

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Return to Archive 1

coin

Get access to our library for just £1!
14 books for you to download, including all our annuals and the EXCLUSIVE members-only Private Bits.

books

Click Here to get your download link.

Close

Private Bits

Private Bits

This 70-page PDF is packed full of silly stuff you won't find anywhere else.

Download here for just £1.

The UBO Annual 2021

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2021

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

Stupid Stories

Stupid Stories

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2020

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2020

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2018

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2017

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 1

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 1

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 2

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 2

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Herman Frogspawn's new play
The ultimate procrastination software for business
Rogue taxidermist at large.
Aberdeen man to be Olympic venue.
Mr Harold Pogley's massive organ
with Donald Fact
The Royal State Stair Lift
Police officers will be equipped with X-ray vision.
A great addition to any home
Have you seen these men?

 

Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

17 September 2021: The Sandwich: #96

16 September 2021: The Sandwich: #95

15 September 2021: The Sandwich: #94