Training Bacon Sandwiches for Fun and Profit

Apprentice tool-setter Marcus Toll is the first person to successfully train a bacon sandwich.

Whilst many sandwiches can be trained to perform rudimentary tasks, such as jumping through hoops or rolling over and playing dead, bacon sandwiches are notoriously obstinate and refuse to respond to traditional training methods.

Nevertheless, Mr Toll persevered for many years and eventually managed to persuade his sandwich to co-operate using a combination of basic hypnotic suggestion and sodium pentathol. He now claims it is capable of operating a telephone switchboard and hopes to secure it a job at a circus - as a receptionist.

If he is successful, it will be the first time anyone has ever successfully domesticated a bacon sandwich, although for a while it was popularly believed that Alexander the Great had a bacon sandwich that could handle basic carpentry. Historians now believe it was most likely ham, or some sort of pressed meat substitute.

 

Bacon sandwich

 

Return to Archive 2

The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Massive Maracas

Mexican village attempts massive maracas record.

Promo Image

Darrens

Darrens are dying out in Essex.

Promo Image

Exploding Dinners

From the good people at Funmeals.

Promo Image

Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg

Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg has not stopped bouncing since 1972

Promo Image

Emergency Kebabs

Acclaim for new venture.

Promo Image

Fluff

Fluff levels grow dangerously high

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

22 December 2017: How to Look After Your Cement Mixer

21 December 2017: Evening Classes at The University of the Bleeding Obvious

20 December 2017: A Ding-Dong over Duvets