Developed for use by both the Navy and Airforce, the Joint Strike Carrot represents the very latest in high-performance, computer co-ordinated military vegetables. With an effective range of 600 nautical miles and a sell-by date of a week next Tuesday, the Joint Strike Carrot looks like it will become an important milestone in the development of 21st century airborne groceries.
Piloted by highly trained RAF paraturnips. These can be dropped silently behind enemy lines and sneak into hostile encampments by cleverly disguising themselves as some other, more innocent vegetable - such as a radish, beetroot or weasel*. Once inside, they can easily wipe out a whole platoon using a combination of biting, strangulation and advanced karate. Nasty.
The Joint Strike Carrot comes fitted with two wing-mounted high-explosive courgettes, which the makers claim are capable of accurately striking an averaged sized dinner from a distance of 500 miles, without even splashing the gravy. It doesn't sound that impressive, but when you consider that we're basically talking about a couple of overgrown gherkins, you begin to recognise the true significance of the advances that have been made in the face of such overwhelming odds.
*Please note, the weasel is not technically a vegetable, although they can give you a nasty nip when roused, and when cornered are easily as dangerous as a cauliflower or leek.