Form AP-2112: Application to join the Police Force

Please complete each section as fully as possible and return in the pre-paid envelope provided.

SECTION 1: YOUR DETAILS

Name:___________________(candidates may leave this section blank if they are unsure.)

Are you a Criminal? (Delete as applicable)  YES/NO

SECTION 2: SPOT THE GYPPO

An Actual Policeman

Constable Thumper has a problem: he's intellectually sub-normal.  Unfortunately we can't do anything about that.  But we can help him sort out his latest dilemma.  One of these two East European gentlemen is an illegal immigrant, whereas the other is a successful businessman, a member of the local Conservative party and a personal friend of the mayor.   Unfortunately they both look alike!  Constable Thumper must find out which is which, but he is only allowed to ask one question. Can you help him find out which one he should beat up?  (Remember, one of them is a respectable businessman and will always tell the truth; the other is a dirty pikey and will always lie.)

Gentleman A

Gentleman A

Gentleman B

Gentleman B

Policeman

Answer:

"Constable Thumper should beat up Gentleman A.  Then if it turns out that he's the businessman, he can always say that Gentleman B did it."

SECTION 3: MAZE TROUBLE

Awww!  Sergeant Bigot has gone and got himself lost.  See if you can help the gormless prick find his way back to Scotland Yard.

Maze
Policeman

Answer:

"Mmmmm, tricky.  If I was Sergeant Bigot, I'd give it up as a bad job.  It must be near the end of his shift anyway, so he may as well just turn around and go home."

SECTION 4: BAD MAN OUT

In order to be a successful police officer, you have to be able to spot a wrong 'un a mile off.  Take a look at these pictures, and see if you can pick out the criminal...

George W Bush Jeffrey Archer Idi Armin Adolph Hitler Bobby Davro Jeffrey Archer, again Mother Theresa Genghis Khan Tinky Winky
Policeman

Answer:

"Piece of piss!  It's obviously number 7, Mother Theresa of Calcutta - a right old villain if ever I saw one.  If I see her around my manor, I'll give her a damn good kicking."

TIE BREAKER: FILL IN THE JUDGE

Using crayons or felt tips, colour in this picture of famous high court judge, Justice Terry Spandex.   You can get an adult to help you if you like.

Judge

Policeman "You can be as creative as you like but try not to go over the lines. Our specially selected panel of colouring experts will choose the four best entrants, who will then be offered positions with the Avon & Somerset Constabulary.  And remember, bribery is not only allowed, it is actively encouraged as it demonstrates initiative and a familiarity with our way of working.  Evenin' all..."

Return to 'Caught by the Fuzz'

Return to Archive 2

The Annual 2017

FREE Download

Or read it online here.

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2015The UBO Annual 2016The History of RockThe Bongo LecturesKicking and ScreamingDead PeasantsRecalled to LifeUBO Volume 1UBO Volume 2Death Doom and DisasterGoldilocks and the Free Bears

Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Instant Davids

Grow your best friends from seed

Promo Image

Auras by Post

Buff up your chakras

Promo Image

An Interesting Article About Shark Fishing

Twenty thousand sharks a week pass over Mr Pong's farm

Promo Image

Lobster Facts

with Derek the Fact Crab

Promo Image

Ice Lolly Skating

All-weather skating.

Promo Image

Mars

Mars observed behaving oddly.

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

09 May 2017: Takeaways Hit by Persistent Squirrel Abuse

21 March 2017: Hypnotic Wipes to Tackle Information Leakage

16 March 2017: Space Junk

www.bleeding-obvious.co.uk