The Lost Continet, Found!


New continent

Scientists have discovered a previously unknown continent in the Mid-Atlantic. The landmass, roughly two thirds the size of Australia, has apparently gone unnoticed because 'no one thought of looking there before'.

Professor Henry Vent of the Royal Society of Nervous Geographers explained that overlooking major geographical features is actually very easy to do. "Mount Everest went entirely unnoticed until 1922, and even then it was only detected because it was spoiling someone's view of Tibet," the Professor told us. "Today the Grand Canyon attracts visitors from all over the world but early European settlers were largely unaware of it and Native American people only noticed it because of the large number of bison that kept plunging into it.

"What about Belgium?"

"And what about Belgium?" Professor Vent continued. "An entire country - most people pass straight through it without even blinking. Think of it this way, my Aunt Connie bought a hat in 1956 and it stayed on top of her wardrobe, completely untouched, for thirty years before she got around to throwing it out. Actually, that's probably not a particularly good analogy, but I'm sure you get my point."

A select group of geologists, speleologists, botanists and palaeontologists are currently preparing an expedition to investigate and catalogue the wonders of this new land. They're also taking a cardiologist and an acupuncturist with them, just to be on the safe side.


Professor Vent himself will be on hand to lend his expertise and he is quite clear about what he expects to find. "Dinosaurs, definitely," he announced. "Possibly a few giant crabs. A man eating plant, certainly, and a tribe of scantily-clad Amazonian women is a distinct possibility."

After a moment of consideration, the Professor revised his prediction. "I may be guilty of wishful thinking," he admitted. "At the very least we should encounter some interesting flora and a few pretty rocks. And, if nothing else, it will get me out of the house."


Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

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The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

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