Police Crackdown on Agricultural Raves

Funky Cow

This is really irritating, isn't it?

 

Farmers are calling for stricter laws after an increase in the number of illegal raves being held on farmland in Southern England.

"The police don't seem to want to do anything about it," said landowner Dick Silage. "They don't seem to realise the damage it does. There's loud music going on till the early hours of the morning - me and the wife can't get a wink of sleep, so God knows what effect it's having on the livestock.

Jigging about till dawn

"Well I can't have my cows jigging about till dawn and popping 'E's every five minutes, now can I? And the sheep just haven't got the constitution for that kind of lifestyle. It has hit my egg production really hard - the hens can't be bothered to lay, 'cause they're up partying all night."

Chief Inspector Dan Pancake defended the police force's position and claimed that they were doing everything in their power to track down the organisers.

"We believe it's a gang of pigs from the city," he said. "We can't say very much at the moment, but we're following up a number of promising leads, and we're currently interviewing Mixmaster Porky Slicktrotter about his role in a spate of raves in Oxfordshire."

 

Return to Archive 2

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Nuns to be installed in post offices.
Wrexham seeks Chip Control Warden.
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Never be burnt alive by indecision again
Some gobby woman
Selections from Dr Bongo's dazzling literary career
Modified pets for all occasions
'They get awful jiggy, some of these horses.'
Records what we made up
We investigate the Belgian conspiracy

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

30 April 2023: Commemorative Gas!

29 April 2023: Commemorative Cabbage!

28 April 2023: Commemorative Chicken!