This is really irritating, isn't it?

 

Farmers are calling for stricter laws after an increase in the number of illegal raves being held on farmland in Southern England.

"The police don't seem to want to do anything about it," said landowner Dick Silage. "They don't seem to realise the damage it does. There's loud music going on till the early hours of the morning - me and the wife can't get a wink of sleep, so God knows what effect it's having on the livestock.

Jigging about till dawn

"Well I can't have my cows jigging about till dawn and popping 'E's every five minutes, now can I? And the sheep just haven't got the constitution for that kind of lifestyle. It has hit my egg production really hard - the hens can't be bothered to lay, 'cause they're up partying all night."

Chief Inspector Dan Pancake defended the police force's position and claimed that they were doing everything in their power to track down the organisers.

"We believe it's a gang of pigs from the city," he said. "We can't say very much at the moment, but we're following up a number of promising leads, and we're currently interviewing Mixmaster Porky Slicktrotter about his role in a spate of raves in Oxfordshire."