Details have emerged of the Royal State Stair Lift, recently installed at Buckingham Palace. The ornate carvings are fashioned from timber segments taken from Nelson's flagship and inlaid with diamonds, opals and rubies sourced from across the commonwealth. All the fixtures have been fashioned in gold by some of the country's finest craftsmen and it has been upholstered in velvet and ermine throughout.

Although no official figures exist, conservative estimates suggest that the stair lift cost in the region of £350,000 and is capable of whisking Her Majesty up to bed at a top speed of 48 miles per hour.