The Cake Escape

Proving that some urban myths can have at least a grain of truth in them, Thomas Pendlebury, the governor of Dartmoor prison, reports that there were no less than five attempts last year to smuggle files into the prison inside fruit cakes. However, these incidents are just the tip of the iceberg. Amongst some of the other items discovered within confiscated confectionery were an assortment of power tools, fourteen duplicate keys, half a dozen rope ladders and a chainsaw.

Previous finds have included a moped wedged between the layers of a Victoria sponge, and a tunneling machine that was smuggled into the prison grounds cunningly disguised as a blancmange. However, these incidents would have to go a long way to beat the now notorious attempt in 1983 to smuggle the whole of D wing out of the prison in a raspberry cheesecake. The plot very nearly succeeded, and was only foiled at the last moment when an eagle-eyed young warder noticed that the cheesecake was past its sell-by date.

This plot may have been the inspiration for the disasterous 'Operation DeathCake', undertaken by the SAS during the Gulf War. The plan was for a squad of highly trained commandos to smuggle themselves into Saddam Hussein's secret war bunker disguised as a Black Forest gateau, assasinate the Iraqui leader using explosive walnuts, then escape in a dinghy hidden in an apricot and rubarb flan. The scheme went tragically awry when the gateau was intercepted by a sweet-toothed member of Saddam's elite Republican Guard, who found its dark, rich chocolate and creamy filling irresistable. Three of the squad were eaten instantly, and one man only escaped after being badly nibbled. To this day, Lieutenant Hugo Lucas still cannot look a chocolate mousse in the face.

 

file in cake

 

Return to Archive 3

The Annual 2017

FREE Download

Or read it online here.

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2015The UBO Annual 2016The History of RockThe Bongo LecturesKicking and ScreamingDead PeasantsRecalled to LifeUBO Volume 1UBO Volume 2Death Doom and DisasterGoldilocks and the Free Bears

Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Electrosausages

Replacing your wiring with sausages.

Promo Image

Empire of the Flowers

Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag

Promo Image

Maxi-Lingual

Language skills for motorists

Promo Image

The Moonbeam Fresh Air System

Prof Moonbeam invents new kind of fan.

Promo Image

Out now from Obvious Records

Records what we made up

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

07 June 2017: A Sustained Corporate Battering

09 May 2017: Takeaways Hit by Persistent Squirrel Abuse

21 March 2017: Hypnotic Wipes to Tackle Information Leakage

www.bleeding-obvious.co.uk