Darrens on the Decline in Essex

Zoologists are seriously concerned about the falling numbers of Darrens in Essex.

Population levels have been steadily declining since the late eighties, and if the trend continues the numbers could dwindle to below a sustainable threshold in just two years.


Researchers blame this on the introduction of Garys from neighbouring Sussex. The first Garys were spotted in the area about twelve years ago, possibly after stowing themselves away inside baskets of fruit, or under the wheel arches of Transit vans.

This initial invasion rapidly grew into an epidemic as literally thousands of Garys flooded into the area, displacing the native population of Darrens and getting off with their girlfriends.

Braintree or Southminster

Nowadays there are no Darrens to be found anywhere in Braintree or Southminster, and only a small protected colony in Saffron Walden. However, biologists at Essex University have two very healthy captive specimens and hope to use them for breeding purposes.

But then, whatever biologists get up to in their spare time is entirely their own affair.


Darren map

Distribution map of Darrens and Garys in Essex
(© The National Darren Observatory)



Return to Archive 3

The Annual 2018


The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...



Promo Image

The Domesday Clipboard

The clipboard used to compile the Domesday Book.

Promo Image

Nasal Hair Loss

Eradicate the shame of thinning nose hair

Promo Image

Standard British Nuns

A spotters guide.

Promo Image


An inflated slug is a happy slug

Promo Image


Insurance for Astral Travellers.

Promo Image

So You've Got a New Manager?

Getting a new manager is a magical time for everyone involved. There's a brand new addition to your corporate family.


Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs


Latest blog entries...

22 December 2017: How to Look After Your Cement Mixer

21 December 2017: Evening Classes at The University of the Bleeding Obvious

20 December 2017: A Ding-Dong over Duvets

Copyright ©