Burning rulebook

 

A Law Unto Herself

JOANNA FRISBEE, DIRECTOR OF INNOVATIVE SOLUTIONS, FRISBEE DIGITALLY TRACKED LOGISTICAL INTERFACE SOLUTIONS:

Rules are for other people. Remember this if you want to be anywhere near as successful as we are. The only rules are those we make for ourselves, and we don't make any rules for ourselves. I learnt that from my grandmother. She told me that just before she was wiped out by a truck on a pedestrian crossing. She didn't believe in silly rules, stupid regulations and pointless conventions, such as waiting for the little green man to start flashing before you step out into the road. She was a great woman. A fantastic woman.

Those are the principles on which we founded our great company. That same cavalier disregard for the dictates of so-called authority has enabled our business to outstrip our competitors. Easily. Amazingly! You say we need to observe all these health and safety regulations? I say pish! You tell me that we are supposed to adhere to strict financial codes? Don't be ridiculous! And what is all this drivel about 'data protection'? How is that anything to do with us? We are above such frivolous nonsense. Miles above it. We're the market leader, the best! Regulation smothers creativity, halts the serious entrepreneur in their tracks. Do you know how much money we pump into the economy?

We simply won't have it. I didn't get where I am today by giving dumb restrictions and trivial responsibilities a fair hearing. Even as a child I had a healthy disregard for authority; playing truant, setting fires and holding up post offices was just my way of expressing myself, and I maintain that supressing such behaviour is unhealthy.

None of this stuff applies to us. We don't need to fill in your forms. We don't need to provide any documents. We don't need to obtain licences, put measures in place, cooperate with inspectors, or any of it. Go and bother somebody else.

LAWYER:

What my client means to say, Your Honour, is that she accepts the decision of the court, recognises that she has been most remiss in not filing her tax return and will make every effort to do so in future.

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

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