Man Picks Fight with Pacific Ocean

Unemployed welder Desmond Omelette, 42, of Leeds has been charged with assaulting the Pacific Ocean. According to Mr Omelette, he and his wife were sitting in the Coach and Horses one evening, enjoying a quiet drink, when the Pacific Ocean walked in and started behaving in a loud and abusive manner.

"It was well out of order," Mr Omelette recalls. "There we were, minding our own business, and suddenly we were treated to a tirade of foul and insulting language. Obviously it had been drinking, but that's no excuse. I don't take that kind of talk from anyone, even if they are a major geographical feature."

Police were called to the pub to find Mr Omelette and the Pacific Ocean brawling in the car park. Mr Omelette is due to appear in court next month and there is a very good chance that the incident could result in a custodial sentence, as this is not his first offence. Only last year he was charged with affray after starting a fight with the Red Sea in the freezer aisle of a local supermarket. And in 1989 he was cautioned following an argument with Mount Kilimanjaro in a city centre night-club.

 

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