You don't need a credit reference, you don't need a guarantor, you don't even need an income. We won't bother with all those annoying checks and regulations. We'll lend money to you whatever your circumstances - and when you've spent it all, we'll just lend you some more. Oink oink!

But hang on - what happens when you find you can't pay it back? Don't worry, our friendly bailiffs will take care of everything. Got a car? Good, we'll have that. Got a house? Not any more.

And the beauty of it is that because our interest rates are so high and our default charges are punitive, we can guarantee that you will be locked in a spiral of debt for life. Lovely!