What is soil made of?

If mountains are made of rocks and oceans are made of rain, what is soil made of? That's the question posed by Dr Leonard Skynard at the Centre for Clandestine Fumbling in Reykjavik and after five years of intense study he now has the answer.

"Soil is made out of mud," he told us. "Actually, we found this out by accident after somebody spilt their Fanta and contaminated a sample. The instant that it became wet the soil turned to mud. We were then able to reverse this process with a Bunsen burner, conclusively proving that soil is just dried mud. As a side note I'd like to add that wood is probably made of sawdust, but this is something we need to investigate further before we can make an official announcement."

We asked Dr Skynard if he had anything else to tell us about this extraordinary discovery. "Don't think so," he said.