What are squirrels made of?

A squirrel, obviously

If cows are made of beef and pigs are made of bacon, what are squirrels made of? That's the question posed by Dr Leonard Skynard of the Institute of Advanced Poking in Reykjavik and after five years of painstaking research he now has the answer.

"Squirrels are made of squirrel," he told us. "Grey squirrels are made of 100% squirrel, whereas red squirrels are made of squirrel with just a dash of beetroot. As a side note I'd like to add that chickens are probably made of chicken, although we need to do further tests until we can be absolutely sure."

We asked Dr Skynard if he had anything else to tell us about this remarkable discovery. "No," he said.

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