The Sandwich: #33

The Sandwich


I am now a magician. I have decided to call myself The Great Wazzo, and I have a cape and stick that I found that looks a little bit like a wand. It only had a little bit of doggy do-do on it, but I wiped that off on a passer-by. The house where the children's birthday party was looked really posh, so I told myself that I needed to be on my best behaviour and not dribble on the carpet. However, when I got inside I found that the place was full of kids smearing cake up the walls, stuffing jelly down the back of the sofa and being sick in the fridge, so I decided that it would be okay if I let just a little bit of dribble out.

The nice man and lady who owned the house were very stressed, but they seemed pleased to see me and when I asked them what magic tricks they wanted me to do, they said anything I liked as long as I kept the little darlings quiet. Actually, they didn't use the word 'darlings', they called them 'little fuckers', but I'm not going to repeat that kind of dirty talk. They asked me whether there was anything I needed, and I asked them if they had any power tools.

Well people, let me tell you something, I never knew how much fun you could have with a chainsaw. It will go through everything - furniture, partition walls, the television. And the kids loved it almost as much I did. The owners weren't so keen, sadly, and when I was thrown out of the house - leaving the front room full of sawdust, cushion stuffing and disintegrated electrical equipment - I regretted not having asked for my fee up front. Still, it was a laugh, and I heartily recommend you give it a go if you ever get the chance.



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