The Sandwich: #126

The Sandwich


What's happening dudes? A gentleman just said that to me in the street. He said, "What's happening dude?" and so I told him all about my attempt to inveigle myself into the Fennimore Home for Agitated Cats in order to track down my absent sandwich. I then gave him a brief rundown of the latest national and international news, related a heart-warming story of a skateboarding duck with a broken leg and then finished with tomorrow's weather. The man seemed anxious to get away, but I grabbed hold of his coat and hung on to him until I'd finished. Then he ran off. Anyway, if you're interested, tomorrow the forecast is that the sky will be full of filthy dribbles and there will be a chill wind from the north that will whistle round the back of the Co-op and may bring snow showers. Have you got all that written down? Good, then we'll continue.

I have got an agitated cat in a box, which is the best place to put a cat when it is agitated. It's for their own good. I am now standing at the door of the aforementioned Fennimore Home for Agitated Cats and I am about to knock. Let's continue this in the past tense, it's more comfortable.

I knocked on the aforementioned door. Knock-knock-knocky-knock, I went. The aforementioned man with the aforementioned ginger beard opened it. "Whadya want?" he growled. He had chips in his beard. I think I had interrupted him while he was having his tea. Either that, or he was pioneering a daring new fashion in beard accessories that had so far failed to catch on.

I held up the cat in the box. "I have got a cat in this box," I enunciated clearly. "It is agitated. Can I come in?"

The ginger beard man looked in the box. The cat had pushed itself into the corner and was shivering and blowing hot bubbles out of its nose. "Blimey," said ginger beard. "That looks proper crackers. You'd better step inside."



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