When one has been ejected from their own dimension and is now wandering around an alternative version of Totnes, as naked as they day they were born, how does one find one's way home? I'm sure you've all asked yourself that question at some point in your lives. And if you haven't, trust me, you will - it comes to us all.
I tried looking at signposts. There was one pointing to Torquay. There was another one pointing to the National Earwax Museum. There weren't any that said, "This way back to your own dimension." However, there was one that said, "Tourist Information," so I decided to follow that one. When I got to the Tourist Information place, there was a lady behind the counter. She smiled at me. Then she saw that I was naked, and she frowned at me. Then her professional training kicked up, and her smile came back.
"I am a tourist," I said. "Can you give me some information?"
"Certainly, I can," the nice lady said. "For instance, I can inform you that you are naked. Would you like me to recommend a tailor?"
"Maybe later," I said. "For now, I have a more pressing enquiry."
"I'd urge you to reconsider," the lady said. "It's cold out at this time of year. Also, the pigeons round here will go for anything, and while your genitals are on display they remain at risk. A bird strike to the groin should not be taken lightly."
I took her point, and she loaned me a couple of bin bags and a cardboard box with which I quickly fashioned a makeshift outfit to hide my shame. I then asked her if she could direct me back to my own dimension. Well, she glanced through the railway timetable, and we had a look on the map, but to no avail, so she suggested I visit the earwax museum instead. I could see she was doing her best to be helpful, but as she admitted herself, although she was familiar with many of the attractions of Totnes and the surrounding area, extra-dimensional travel was a bit out of her comfort zone.
Perhaps her supervisor could help? Well, perhaps she could - we would see?