Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Hamilton enjoys dining out, table tennis and long walks in the countryside snuffling for truffles. He would like to meet a lady pig who is fun, outgoing and knows how to wire a plug.
Dolly is a specialist in fully integrated goat milking systems, lives in a quaint ivy-covered sty in the country and is looking for some handsome swine to come and whisk her off her trotters. Please, no "pork sword" jokes.
Do you like the films of Matt Damon? Grampion Fatback is the president of the UK Matt Damon Appreciation Society and is looking for another Matt Damon fan to share his passion and clean up after him in the toilet.
Ham is free and easy, and looking for a fun partner for filthy times, wallowing in their own muck. Must have their own towel.
Malcolm "Slasher" Hogbreath
Malcolm is a fun, friendly, outgoing pig who is currently serving a sentence for armed robbery, due to an outrageous miscarriage of justice. He's out next week and is looking for someone who owns a spade, can follow a map and doesn't mind being blindfolded and driven to a secret location on the south coast.
Dame Matilda Trotter IV
One of the Shropshire Trotters, Dame Matilda moves in some very exclusive circles, but the vet has said that this is nothing to worry about. She is looking for a gentlemen pig to escort her to a ball given by the Empress of Blandings next month. Must be housetrained.
Snouty is an outgoing pig with an ingrowing toenail, looking for an upwardly mobile companion with a down-to-earth personality. GSOH, TDH and PORK.
Drummer with the group Funky Bacon. When he's not gigging, Bongo enjoys nothing more than ramming his head repeatedly through the bars outside the children's playground, desperately trying to block out the tinnitus that constantly thrums through his skull. He is looking for someone to gently stroke him behind the ears and tell him in a soft voice that everything is going to be ok.
Sir Reginald Snuffles
Sir Reginald is the current MP for Shepton Bassett South and Minister for Openly Handing out Contracts to His Mates Safe in the Knowledge That No One Is Going to Do a Damn Thing about It. He is looking for anyone who went to Eaton and is interested in getting their snout in the trough.