I think I am probably the first fellow to fall right through the planet and out the other side. What an achievement! I think this might be a Guinness Book of Records record. I wonder if I will get a certificate and if my name will appear in in the Guinness Book of Records book. At home, I have got a copy of the book of Guinness Book of Records book for 1996. I shall check when I get back to see if my name has appeared in it - in the "falling through stuff" section, probably. Ha, take that Kevin!
I am referring to my friend Kevin, who is a dirty big fat head because he has three Guinness Book of Records records, or so he says.
One is for being able to jump up to the moon. He says that jumping up to the moon was easy, but jumping back down again was hard, because you have to bend your knees properly when you land. Another one is for growing the biggest carrot. Kevin reckons that it is five miles long, and is currently floating off the coast of Norfolk where it is used as a pirate radio station. I don't know why pirates need their own radio station. I imagine it plays a lot of sea shanties. The third record concerns an unspecified incident with a wheelbarrow, that Kevin said he can't go into for reasons of national security.
Anyway, we had a look at his certificates, and they were all done in crayon, so either Kevin made them all up himself or the Guinness Book of Records has really gone downhill in recent years.