New Rules for Vampires

vampire

New rules will shortly come into effect which will define vampirism as a protected characteristic. This will make it a criminal offence to discriminate against people who 'have something of the night about them'. Derogatory terms such as 'fangface', 'pasty-faced coffin jockey' and 'haemogobbler' will be outlawed and employers and providers of public services will be required to introduce special adaptations such as blackout curtains, garlic-free zones and vampire-friendly mirrors.

The legislation will also affect other supernatural beings, resulting in greater protections for zombies in the workplace and the provision of emergency bandaging stations for mummies. Additionally, for the first time ever the Loch Ness Monster will be eligible for maternity leave.

However, not everyone is included in the new rules and this has led to some discontent. "It's political correctness gone mad," said Colin Smith, a werewolf from Dagenham. "I mean, it's all very well giving vampires and goblins and heaven knows what an easy time of it, but if I take a dump in the park then spend the rest of day licking my balls, there's hell to pay."

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018.

Annual Cover

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

submit to reddit
The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Promo Image

Cash for Pets

Trade in your used doggy

Promo Image

Brick II

The latest in home entertainment

Promo Image

An Old Fart Remembers...

It were different back in them days...

Promo Image

The Cake Escape

Power tools hidden in confectionery.

Promo Image

Mr and Mrs Pottle are Lost Again

Why can't these people just stay at home?

 

Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...