All right, so now you have a monitor up one nostril, a screwdriver up the other, and the shattered remains of a table embedded in the back of your head.  So...

...We never met, okay.  I don't know you, I've never spoken to you and I've certainly never given you any advice involving monitors and screwdrivers and tables and stuff.  Whatever you've done, whatever mess you've got yourself into, it's entirely your own fault.  Do we understand each other?   Because the hard fact of the matter is that I am an extremely influential and well-paid medical professional, and I can afford far better lawyers than you can.  So I suggest that we both walk away from this and forget it ever happened.  That is, I'm going to walk away and forget; you're probably going to have to crawl and with any luck whatever damage you've done to yourself will have resulted in the loss of your short term memory anyway.

Good, well I'm glad that's sorted... Hang on a minute!  If you've got the monitor wedged up your nose, how were you able to read any of this?  You've been winding me up...