There's a good chance that you
could have Wandering Nipple Syndrome. This is a condition which permits your nipples
to have autonomous control, meaning they can get into all sorts of scrapes... with
hilarious consequences! It is a genetic disorder, harking back to an earlier time in
our evolution, when nipples served as rudimentary feelers. They react to light, so
the best course of action would be to keep them subdued beneath a dark vest whenever
possible.