You've obviously been implanted with alien space nipples.  There are a great many credible witnesses who claim to have been abducted by space aliens and had their nipples tweaked so that they can receive microwave signals from the planet Playtex.  We're dealing with extraterrestrial technology here, so there's not a lot that medical science can do.  You could try taking a couple of paracetamol and seeing if that helps.  If it doesn't, do you think you could get me ET's autograph?