Hmm, well I've got some good news and some bad news.  The bad news first: you're turning into a turkey.  I know it sounds far-fetched, and I'll admit it is very rare, but there have been some soundly documented cases in the past, and there's every reason to believe it's happening to you now.  But hey, like I said, it's not all bad news.  For one thing, you're going to lose weight.  And you know how you always said you would give up smoking?   Well now you'll have to, because there's no way you can hold a cigarette with turkey feet.  Trust me, this change in you is going to get you noticed.  I promise you'll be the centre of attention this Thanksgiving.