What?  How does that happen then?  How do you 'accidentally' swallow something like a cricket ball or a frisbee?  I don't think you're being entirely honest with me here.  I suppose you're going to tell me you were just sitting down to a spot of lunch when a stray ball from a nearby tennis court inadvertantly landed on your plate, yes?  Well it can happen so easily, can't it?  And, of course, because your attention was momentarily diverted, you never noticed a thing.  Never mind the smashed crockery; never mind the gravy tsunami and the scattering of petits pois across the table top.  You just tuck in like nothing's happened, then wonder why your filet mignon is somewhat chewier than normal.

I'll tell you what your real problem it - you're shortsighted.  Actually, your real problem is that you're terminally stupid, but there's very little I can do about that.  But the vision thing I can fix.  Just take two paracetamol a day and if there's no improvement in six weeks, come back and see me.  Oh, and for God's sake, try not to eat anything that's got 'Slazenger' written across it.