In which case there are a number of ways you can tackle the problem.  You could, for instance, shove a broom handle up the back of your sweater, or strap yourself to a plank.  Some people hang themselves from a portable frame using steel cables kept taut by a system of weights and pulleys.  A colleague of mine is pioneering a new technique which involves inflating the patient to the correct pressure using compressed air.  This ensures long term rigidity, as long as the individual receives regular top ups.  However, the system is still not entirely flawless, and my friend has already lost several patients because of punctures - some of them quite literally.  The last one flew out of the open window of his surgery in Harley Street and went under the wheels of a passing bus before anyone could do anything about it.