These kinds of anxieties are
often triggered by traumatic events in childhood. Were you ever attacked by a
toaster as a baby? Maybe you were bitten by an electric carving knife when you were
an infant? Or maybe a hair dryer looked at you threateningly during your formative
years? Whatever the cause, you'll be pleased to learn that there is still hope for
you, you freaknut. My close friend Professor Jez Moonbeam runs a therapy centre
where people and equipment can spend time in each other's company, get to know each other
and ultimately overcome their feelings of mistrust. Nevermore need you fear
the fridge; the days of crossing the street to avoid a washing machine will long be over.
Give it a try. The place is full of nutjobs, but I think you'll feel at home
there.