Hoofer
Legendary hoofer Betty Pallas died tragically yesterday when she was mown down by the chorus line during a matinee performance of her new show on Broadway.
Pallas, who was a hundred and six this year, first started dancing professionally at the age of seven, and once famously claimed that she would dance until she dropped.
According to eyewitness reports, the chorus line that killed her had been careering wildly out of control for some minutes before it broke loose and charged across the stage, trampling scenery, props and - ultimately - the redoubtable Ms Pallas herself.
Although it may be some months before the official report emerges, many feel that the initial blame lies with director Bud Tacco.
"He was totally irresponsible," said one anonymous crew member. "He was ordering people about with wild abandon; didn't heed the people telling him to slow down. He was like a man possessed, and he didn't seem to give a damn about safety.
"He hadn't even issued the regulation hard-hats. Personally, I think he was drunk."
If this was indeed the case, Tacco could find himself in a lot of trouble. In New York, the penalties for being drunk in charge of a chorus line are notoriously severe.
Concerns Grow for Missing Ladder Astronaut
Disaster has hit Britain's troubled space program with the loss of astronaut Brian Parker.
Operation Space Ladder was Britain's ambitious project to put a man in orbit using a 252,000 mile long aluminium ladder, propped up against the moon.
If successful, the plan would have completely revolutionised the future of space travel, slashing fuel costs and rendering extensive heat shielding redundant.
Furthermore, the Space Ladder would drastically reduce the stresses and strains on the astronauts, as - unless he was climbing really fast - the g-force would be negligible.
Brian Parker was specially selected for the mission because of his exceptionally powerful thighs and superb head for heights. He began climbing at 13.45 GMT last Tuesday, but Mission Control lost contact with him early yesterday morning.
Parker's colleague, Danny Fellows (whose job it is to hold the bottom of the ladder steady) is confident that contact will be re-established.
"I don't think he's fallen off," he says optimistically. "If that were the case he'd have hit the ground by now. The last time I spoke to him over the radio he seemed very confident and in good spirits. There was certainly no indication of any trouble.
"In fact, his last words to me were, 'Hey, I can see my house from here.'"
Mars
Keen amateur astronomer Harry Fontaine caused a stir amongst both amateur and professional colleagues alike when he announced that he had observed strange and inexplicable anomalies in the motion of the planet Mars.
"It was about 7.30pm yesterday," Harry explained. "I was watching the planet from my bedroom window. Suddenly I saw it get on a bus and go into town. I remember thinking to myself, 'That's funny. It usually stays in on a Wednesday night.'"
If Harry's sighting is confirmed it means scientists will have to completely rethink their ideas about what Mars does for fun in the evenings.
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