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Welcome to Belper

With its busy shopping streets packed with unique independent businesses, its history and heritage, its parks, reserves and beautiful spaces, Belper in Derbyshire is a great place to visit.

Find out more about this thriving, historic market town here: belper.madhm.uk.

Welcome to Belper

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Geoff Geoffreys' Geoffoscope

Geoff Geoffreys is thrilled to announce that he has invented the Geoffoscope, a revolutionary new device capable of pinpointing the location of people called 'Geoff' down to the nearest centimetre, wherever they may be on the planet.

"For too long Geoffs have been ignored by society, cast aside and denied the opportunity to glory in their essential Geoffness," Geoff told us. "Now at last we have the means to reach out and touch Geoffs who until now may have felt isolated and alone. We can encourage them to cherish their Geoffosity with pride, and empower them to confront Geoffism wherever it may be. Together we can build a true Geoffocracy where Geoffs can at last enjoy the respect and recognition that they truly deserve."

Initial trials of Geoff's Geoffoscope have produced mixed results, with the latest test run yielding just two Barrys and a Simon. "We may still have some way to go," Geoff admitted.

Distribution of Geoffs

Highway Robbery

Have you seen these missing roads?

Police are warning motorists to be vigilant following a series of road thefts over the last few months.

Criminals are causing tailbacks by stealing whole stretches of carriageway. The stolen roads are then typically sold on to dodgy developers, exported to the Third World or just melted down for scrap.

"These villains have no respect for decent, law-abiding commuters," said Chief Inspector Malcolm 'Cuddles' McGinty. "People trying to get to work suddenly find that the road they usually take is gone. And those that are lucky enough to make it through find that they can't return home because some heartless swine has swiped a T-junction or filched a roundabout."

According to the Superintendent, the problem is getting worse. Thieves are getting bolder and have started taking roads while people are still driving on them. One Bristol man recently found that his journey home was unexpectedly extended when the road he was travelling on was bundled into the back of a van, driven up to Manchester and re-laid as part of a new housing development.

"Occasionally roads are stolen to order," says Superintendent Cuddles. "But in those cases it's fairly easy to track the culprits down. There are few people, for example, who are in the market for the A19 to Gateshead.

"More often the roads are taken by opportunists who respray them, remove identifying marks such as signposts and the like, and then try to palm them off on some unsuspecting mug. But don't be fooled. Look out for tell-tale signs such as potholes, wonky lines or a non-regulation camber.

"And if it appears that there are already people driving on it, then it's pretty much guaranteed to be dodgy."

Fourth Light

Four colour traffic light

What colour should the new light on traffic lights be?

That's the question that the UK Highways Agency will be putting to the public next month, as it prepares to unveil the new four-light traffic lights that will gradually be rolled out to replace existing signals.

For some time now, safety campaigners have been pressing for a fourth light on traffic signals, to eliminate the false starts and 'queue shuffling' of impatient drivers waiting at red lights.

The fourth light will let drivers know when it's their turn next, so that they can finish picking their nose, changing CDs or applying makeup and be ready to move off in good time.

Motorists and traffic light enthusiasts will be able to vote online at the agency's website, where they will choose from a wide selection of colours and shades.

A winner will then be selected from the five most popular choices via a phone vote, to be televised live by the BBC as part of a star-studded spectacular later this year.