See the Pyramids across the Thames
The British Museum is pleased to announce that this summer visitors will be able to view one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World as it plays host to the Great Pyramid of Giza. This is the first time that Egyptian authorities have loaned out any of its pyramids, although Disneyland Paris did borrow the Sphinx for six months back in 1998.
Members of the public will be able to explore many of the hidden chambers for themselves and museum guides will be on hand to explain how the pyramid was constructed, provide details about some of the extraordinary treasures found within and help visitors avoid the fiendish death traps that were built into the structure. There will also be plenty to occupy the children, with interactive displays, costumed re-enactments and a big slide from the top.
It's a Gas
Top scientist chaps have discovered that sound is not a wave as previously thought, but a gas. "The clues were there all along," says chief boffin Professor Henry Windsock. "We know from experiments carried out by NASA that in space no one can hear you scream. No atmosphere, no gas, no sound. Bloody obvious when you think about it."
Professor Windsock first detected the gas in his bathroom after one particularly noisy evening last March. Further traces were subsequently discovered in samples taken from behind his fridge, under the sink and from a conspicuously loud patch at the bottom of his garden. Windsock has now officially named the gas 'auditron' after his initial suggestion of 'thunderpunchium' was rejected by the scientific community for being too stupid.
"Arseholes," Professor Windsock told us. "You see the kind of people I have to work with. They have no vision. Pah!"
According to Windsock, it is the presence of auditron that accounts for all types of sound. For example, when a gun is fired, auditron produced by the exploding gunpowder creates the 'bang'.
"It is also a biological process," Professor Windsock explained. "The gas is produced in the lungs of most living creatures, enabling them to make all manner of squeaks and snarls and whatnot - something that I demonstrated at a lecture I gave at the Royal Society. I took a dog - one of those small, yappy kinds. I placed it into a vacuum chamber and gradually removed the air. Without the presence of auditron the animal very quickly ceased to make a noise. In fact, it ceased to do anything very much at all, but this is really an unfortunate coincidence and however much I sympathise with my next door neighbour, I really wish to silly woman would stop trying to hold me responsible for what happened to her Yorkshire terrier."
Small Yellow Plastic Fence
English Heritage has responded to recent vandalism at Shopover Castle in North Yorkshire with new security measures. The castle, which was built shortly after the Norman conquest, was an important stronghold during King John's dispute with the barons. It later played a crucial part in the Wars of the Roses and during the civil war the heavy fortifications presented an impenetrable barrier to the massed ranks of the Roundhead army.
In more recent years it has fallen prey to damage by the many school parties that visit the site, so now the massive ten-feet thick walls that have previously proven invincible to cannonball, flaming oil, battering rams and explosives have finally been saved for future generations by the addition of a small yellow plastic fence.
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