Stop and Search
The Home Secretary has announced new measures to extend existing Stop and Search powers in response to the increasing radicalisation of members of the police. Police currently have the power to stop anyone they suspect of carrying stolen goods, offensive weapons or being 'a bit funny'. The new legislation now extends this power to members of the public, enabling them to stop and search police officers if they suspect them of abusing their authority, acting 'like a tool' or being drunk in charge of a truncheon.
Indiana Jones's Trowel
Indiana Jones's trowel has been sold at auction for the staggering sum of £15,000. The trowel, which was among a number of the late archaeologist's effects in the auction, exceeded all estimates and is believed to be destined for a private collection. The sale also contained a number of other pieces of historical memorabilia, including Doctor Who's stethoscope, Wolverine's nail clippers and Harry Potter's wheel.
New Year Honours
This year's New Year Honours List has a few surprises in store, with an OBE for Postman Pat, a Knighthood for Danger Mouse and The Order of St John for Peppa Pig. Womble fans will be pleased to learn that Great Uncle Bulgaria is set to become Lord Tidybag of Wimbledon, and there is a damehood in the works for Tinky Winky, founding member of the Teletubbies.
Space Stationery
There will be jubilations aplenty in Leicester next month when NASA's unmanned Spacefarer IV probe touches down on the rocky surface of Mars. British company Space Mail UK has played a crucial role by supplying the stationery for the multi-billion dollar mission.
For commercial reasons the exact value of the contract has not been made public, but it is thought that it could be as much as £70 to £75, assuming that the order is for both letter-headed paper and envelopes - more, if the envelopes are those ones with the little windows in them.
But how does the stationery work? Space Mail UK's head of research and technology, Dr John Johnson, explained. "What we have developed is essentially a two stage system, consisting of a unique letter-envelope combination," he told us. "The letter contains the message, or payload, which is housed within the protective envelope, the two elements being assembled at mission control prior to launch. A special heat-resistant coating applied to the envelope means that it can survive the rigours of most postal systems. It has the potential to be delivered to any destination on the planet, even circle the globe without suffering too much damage - what the boffins refer to as a 'geo-stationery orbit'."
Space Mail UK has commissioned an animation demonstrating how the system is expected to perform once it reaches the target area. On arrival at the destination the envelope is jettisoned, the letter unfolds and the message is delivered. That's the theory anyway, but an unnamed insider told us that the company experienced several problems with early prototypes. Our source told us that a number of letters went wildly off target and there was even one incident of an envelope catching fire mid-journey and seriously injuring a postman in Chiswick. Understandably then, there will continue to be some anxiety until the stationery has been proven in a real world environment. After all, there is a lot riding on this mission, including the possibility of a major order for business cards from the Atomic Energy Commission and a potential shipment of paperclips to CERN.
Anyway - 'geo-stationery'. Get it? Oh, never mind.