Deformation
Kathleen Benzedrine, a telephonist from Runcorn, is currently suing her former employer for deformation, claiming that deliberately misleading statements were made about her in a work reference. Among other things, Ms Benzadrine says that the employer incorrectly stated that she was rude, unhelpful and had a poor attendance rate.
"Deformation is a difficult concept to prove," commented an independent legal adviser. "If the employer had said that Ms Benzedrine was twisted, warped or out-and-out bent, then I think that would she would have a good chance of success. But as it is I don't reckon much for her chances... In retrospect I think the word she probably meant was 'defamation'."
Fruit Brain
Technicians at Honda have developed the world's first fruit-powered artificial brain. The device, which runs on two mangoes and a pomegranate, has performed well in tests although it is prone to greenfly and has a shelf life of only two days.
Ghost Milk
Inspired by increasing sales of goats' milk, a number of UK supermarkets are now selling Ghost Milk, which they claim is even more beneficial to health, having fewer calories, almost zero fat and higher levels of vitamin D. Sales are already looking promising, although some experts are concerned that the high concentrations of ectoplasm represent a significant health risk.
Everest by Elevator
Controversial plans to build an elevator up the inside of Mount Everest have been put on hold because of environmental concerns. The elevator, the second phase in a development which started with the construction of a small retail park halfway up the North Face, was due to be completed next year, in time for the opening of a multiplex and food court on the summit. However, engineers now have serious concerns that sinking a shaft through the centre of the mountain will result in serious structural problems.
After modelling the project using blancmange - which they believe provides a reasonable analogue of Everest's geology - experts have determined that the mountain does not contain enough sugar to prevent bits of it sliding back into the hole. Currently under consideration is a plan to provide additional support using wafers, but it may take some time to determine whether this is feasible. For the time being, mountaineers will still be able to use the escalator on the South Col.
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