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Welcome to Belper

With its busy shopping streets packed with unique independent businesses, its history and heritage, its parks, reserves and beautiful spaces, Belper in Derbyshire is a great place to visit.

Find out more about this thriving, historic market town here: belper.madhm.uk.

Welcome to Belper

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An Apprehension of Rabbits

Today marks the anniversary of the birth of the fourteenth century monk St Thomas Aplenty, originator of over six hundred collective nouns. If you have ever used phrases such as 'a pride of lions', 'a gaggle of geese' or 'a packet of crisps', then you have much to thank St Thomas for. Most of this venerable linguistic pioneer's work has, sadly, fallen out of use, meaning that today we rarely hear expressions such as 'a briefcase of parrots', 'a disappointment of anglers' or 'a load of cobblers'.

It's equally lamentable that St Thomas's contribution to the English language was not recognised within his own lifetime. In fact, he led a somewhat wretched existence which was tragically cut short at the age of thirty-three when, during a stroll through the grounds of the monastery, he was startled by a bucket of ravens, pursued by an invoice of frogs and ultimately torn to pieces by an apprehension of rabbits.

Stealth Fishing

New European Union regulations come into force next month, limiting the use of stealth technology in the fishing industry. Stealth techniques have increasingly been employed to confuse haddock over the last few years, transplanting traditional fishing methods and leading to a drastic reduction of fish stocks.

However, critics of the ban claim that it will be impossible to police, as the very nature of stealth technology means that transgressions will remain undetected. The only feasible solution, they say, is to arm fish with a series of counter measures, such as trout sonar or heat-seeking pilchards.

National Fly-Tipping Day

Next Tuesday is National Fly-Tipping Day, when people across the country will be encouraged to dump their old furniture, building rubble and broken kitchen appliances in lay-bys, wildlife sanctuaries and beauty spots across the UK. This is the third year that the event has been held, and it has already become something of an institution.

"It's an occasion that the whole family can get involved in," said organiser Christian Pyle. "People talk about how families have become fragmented; how they've lost touch with one another. But events like this really bring them together - brothers and sisters, mothers and sons. They bond over the burnt-out bedsteads and the water-damaged carpets and the half-filled bags of unidentified but most probably highly hazardous waste. It's really quite beautiful."

Beautiful it might be, but the practice of fly-tipping is presently under threat due to increasing environmental concerns and the rise in popularity of recycling. Mr Pyle inaugurated National Fly-Tipping day as a direct response to this, hoping to preserve a custom which stretches back centuries, but which is in danger of dying out completely. "What we are talking about is our heritage," Mr Pyle told us. "But we're also thinking about the future. These are customs that we want to pass on to our children; a way of life that we want to preserve for posterity. It will be a sad world indeed if the youngsters of tomorrow never get to experience the magic of finding a rusty washing machine in a hedge, a pile of broken paving slabs at the end of a farm track or half a cow under a motorway flyover."

Four Dimensional Knitting

Researchers in Canada are looking for four-dimensional knitters to produce cardigans that can be worn by test pilots travelling into a higher plane of existence. The knitters will need to be experienced in working with a variety of different materials, capable of producing varied patterns and styles, and have a third arm that can knit at right angles to reality. The project is also looking for people who can darn socks that violate the first law of thermodynamics.