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Welcome to Belper

With its busy shopping streets packed with unique independent businesses, its history and heritage, its parks, reserves and beautiful spaces, Belper in Derbyshire is a great place to visit.

Find out more about this thriving, historic market town here: belper.madhm.uk.

Welcome to Belper

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Aqua sapiens

There are two ways to achieve scientific glory. The first is to discover something entirely novel and unexpected, and offer a radically fresh and incisive new insight into the phenomenon. The other is to make shit up.

Many people were of the opinion that Dr Thaddeus Kleenex had chosen the latter route when he recently announced his theory that water is evolving. With the exception of lemurs, every living thing on the planet needs water to survive - be it still, sparkling or with a twist of lemon. But Dr Kleenex claims that he has discovered a new mutation of water that has cleverly learnt to avoid being drunk by using a variety of ingenious techniques, including suddenly changing to a gas, altering its refractive index and disguising itself as Sunny Delight.

"I first discovered this extraordinary adaptation while out walking in the Lake District," Dr Kleenex explained. "I chanced on a pretty little stream but as soon as it saw me it scurried away and hid under a rock. Fortunately I was able to sneak up on it from behind and bring it back to my lab in a bucket."

Spingle

Gerry Prong is not a name that currently has much currency in the world of top class swanky dining, but that could soon be about to change, for Mr Prong has invented the first new piece of cutlery since the invention of the fork in 1492.

"People say to me 'Oh, but what about the spork'," Gerry tells us. "But of course, the spork doesn't count because it's not a wholly original implement. It's a hybrid, like a spife or a foon. My invention is something new."

Mr Prong has christened his utensil - a thin tube with a spiral at one end and a rotor at the other - the 'spingle', but there is one last hurdle to overcome. Before the spingle can be accepted by the Standards Committee of the International Council of Cutlery Classification, it must first be demonstrated that the implement has a specific and original use.

"Take the spoon," Mr Prong explains. "That was a necessary and inevitable development. Before the spoon, eating soup was a nightmare. Now, if I can just figure out what you could possibly use a spingle for, I'll be minted."

Mr Pixels

The name may not be familiar, but you will most certainly recognise him, since Colin Samsung is easily the most well-known person on TV. And the secret to being - paradoxically - both the most famous and simultaneously the most anonymous person in the public eye? Simply this - Colin is the only man known to science to have been born with a pixelated face.

Colin's extraordinary visage has led to a huge demand for his services. Known in the industry as 'Mr Pixels', he has performed in innumerable TV news stories, fly-on-the-wall documentaries and reality shows. But his unique appearance has also resulted in some real life difficulties.

"I'm used to getting some funny looks when I'm out and about," Colin tells us. "At first, whenever they saw me, folks would start looking around for hidden cameras. Most people in my neighbourhood are cool about it right now, but I still have a hard time whenever I have to renew my passport or driving licence, because they keep rejecting the photo.

"Professionally it's been a problem, as well. Oh, I realise that my face has been my bread and butter, and as an actor I am rarely out of work, but there are jobs that I'm just never going to get. For instance, I auditioned for the RSC but they turned me down because, with the exception of Titus Andronicus, there are no pixelated characters in Shakespeare. Although, to be fair, Malvolio is a bit blurred around the edges."

That said, Colin admits that he has had some fun with his appearance. "Nobody can photobomb quite like I can," he tells us. "And I do enjoy sitting for portrait artists, just to give them a hard time. But my greatest joy is taking mirrors back to shops and claiming that they're faulty. It's astonishing to see how people are able to become so confused, so quickly."