Instant Davids

from Buddygrow

Cultivating friendships isn't easy...

Going to all the trouble of discovering mutual interests, finding topics for discussion, remembering birthdays and arranging get-togethers.  Hmmm, it's a problem.   Especially if, like me, you're a miserable, bitter, resentful misanthrope who hates the world, despises company and wishes everybody would just fuck off and leave you alone.   Wouldn't it be great if you could just grow your friends from seed, nurture them and train them to behave exactly the way you want them to behave?  Hey, well guess what?   Now you can!

Each packet of Instant David seeds contains four hundred potential friends just waiting to spring to life.  Just plant in approximately six inches of compost, water liberally and wait for mother nature to do her work.  Before very long you'll have a fine crop of best buddies just waiting to be harvested. 

No more sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring!  No more going to the pub on your own!  With Instant Davids you can have your very own gang of mates for a fraction of the cost of real friends.  And you'll never be caught talking to yourself on the bus into town ever again!

WARNING: standard packets of Instant Davids may contain rogue Colins and trace elements of Darren.  Contents may settle in transit.  Buddygrow cannot be held responsible in the event that your new friend turns out to be a twat.

Return to The Last Gasp

The Annual 2018


The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...



Promo Image

UK Government to Sell North Sea?

Documents are released which show government once considered sale of damp asset.

Promo Image


World's fattest man struck by earthquake

Promo Image


All your doodling done professionally.

Promo Image


Attacks by monsters on the increase.

Promo Image

Knitting in Colour

Introduction of the first colour knitting patterns.

Promo Image

Bongo's Books

Selections from Dr Bongo's dazzling literary career


Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs


Latest blog entries...

22 December 2017: How to Look After Your Cement Mixer

21 December 2017: Evening Classes at The University of the Bleeding Obvious

20 December 2017: A Ding-Dong over Duvets