Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Mrs Womble writes...
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier ttouser experience.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
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