Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Mrs Womble writes...
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
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