The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Mrs Womble writes...
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
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