Crime Waves

A report commissioned by the Home Office has revealed that for the year 2015/2016 the crime rate in the North Sea was practically zero.

At depths of around 95 metres, instances of housebreaking were significantly lower than the national average, and car theft was practically unheard of. In deeper regions the statistics were even more striking.

Researchers are currently looking into the reason for these impressive figures. No conclusions have yet been reached, but many police forces around the country are already experimenting with planting seaweed in troubled night-spots in order to stem the outbreak of violent crime.

crime waves

 

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The University of the Bleeding Obvious's Private Bits

Private Bits

72 pages of previously unseen material including Formula 1 Shopping Trolley Racing, Knee Operations for Fruit Flies, Quantum Farming, a visit to The Book Crevice, Gary the Builder, and The Affair of the Flat Vicar, a brand new adventure for the eminent Belgian dick, Anton La Cranque.

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Private Bits

Private Bits

This 70-page PDF is packed full of silly stuff you won't find anywhere else.

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The UBO Annual 2021

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Become fluent in Venusian!
Bristletech grows your beard to order
Now you too can learn to fly like a squirrel!
'In the beginning, it was like bang! You know.'
A full range of snacks
Patent stink technology
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Relax with chickens
Fun for nearly all the family!
Jez Moonbeam discovers the joke particle

 

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