The Evolving Art of Collecting Tax Revenue

 

Coin

One of the criticisms we come in for rather a lot here at HM Revenue and Customs is our apparent failure to pursue tax evaders. I won't attempt to claim that such accusations are not to some degree justified but what people need to understand is that the collection of revenue is an evolving art. And it is precisely because it is an art that we have engaged the services of the celebrated young artist Mr Guy Parker.

Gobbing on a bishop

Many of you, I'm sure, will be familiar with Mr Parker's work - for example, his recent composition Gobbing on a Bishop, which featured him gobbing on a bishop and which earnt him twenty million quid*. Mr Parker, I'm happy to say, has already made a startling impact on our work by changing the colour of our tax returns to a shade which is more 'artistically valid'. He has also remodelled our main offices and mounted a number of 'kinetic installations' in order to create spaces which are capable of effectively channelling creative energies.

You may also note a difference if you receive a visit from any of our staff. Our inspectors have been encouraged to express themselves more freely and have been experimenting with thought-provoking new ways of engaging with tax payers. So far they have incorporated mime, poetry, traditional puppetry and origami into their meetings, and we have been promised some stimulating new projects involving Latvian folk dancing in the coming months.

Reluctance and hostility

Admittedly, some of the businesses and individuals with whom we've been talking have met our approaches with reluctance and hostility. Very shortly Mr Parker will be extending an invitation to these people to join him in a series of 'positivity' sessions where they will get an opportunity to workshop their tax issues and re-evaluate their feelings about payment. The aim is to create a safe, comfortable zone in which they can explore attitudes towards the acquisition of money and express themselves through the medium of rhythmic movement.

We are aware, to be sure, that our fiercest critics are already declaring that our new approach is unsuccessful. Two things: firstly, it's still very early days; secondly, what do we actually mean by 'success'? Certainly, we cannot in all honesty claim to have recovered a significant amount of unpaid tax. What we have done, however, is grown as people. After all, you can't put a price on art, can you? Well, admittedly, Guy Parker does - his daily fee is eye-watering. But honestly, if you'd seen the smile on the face of our deputy director when he had finished his finger painting, you'd have no doubt that it is worth every penny.

Right, any questions?

 

*Tax free. For tax purposes Mr Parker is registered as an animal sanctuary in the Cayman Islands.

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Return to Archive 2

The University of the Bleeding Obvious's Private Bits

Private Bits

72 pages of previously unseen material including Formula 1 Shopping Trolley Racing, Knee Operations for Fruit Flies, Quantum Farming, a visit to The Book Crevice, Gary the Builder, and The Affair of the Flat Vicar, a brand new adventure for the eminent Belgian dick, Anton La Cranque.

All this and more will only be available in this volume as a PDF and is yours for a measly £1 - yes £1 (or whatever the equivalent is in your fancy foreign money). To download it now, click here.

Click here to close this box

Private Bits

Private Bits

This 70-page PDF is packed full of silly stuff you won't find anywhere else.

Download here for just £1.

The UBO Annual 2021

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2021

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2020

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2020

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2018

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2017

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 1

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 1

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 2

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 2

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
The dark side of interior decorating
Mrs Stenchtrouser's quest to make the mythical beast presentable
Squawk squawk squawk squawk squawk squawk.
The only beauty product that will send your skin back in time.
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Jez Moonbeam discovers the joke particle
Spartacus Jones has been reading too many comics
A new approach to fat removal.
Dating at 150mph.
Nobody actually reads these books

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

07 June 2021: Single Yellow Line Painter Sees Promotion

03 June 2021: Abstract Arthur Ponder: The Bee

10 May 2021: Bond, James Bond, Tha' Knows