The Sandwich: #341

The Sandwich


Once you have visited the museums and looked at all the rocks, there really isn't a great deal to do at the centre of the Earth. I went to the gent's and played with the hand dryer for a bit. Where does all that hot air come from? When you think about it, all these hand dryers and air conditioning units and hair dryers and stuff are pumping the atmosphere full of all this hot air, so it's no wonder that the whole global warming business is kicking off. Of course, there is an upside - all this additional air makes the sky much bigger, so there is more room for planes to fly about. But then, more sky means more weather, and we already have quite enough of that at the moment, thank you very much.

I could have been a weatherman, you know. Oh yes. I used to have my own stick and I cut out some clouds from an old magazine, and I would practise for ages and ages putting them on a map and pointing at them. The map was actually a page from an A-Z of Loughborough, but you have to start small. I remember that it used to rain a lot over the Tesco Express on Leicester Road and that Halfords once got annihilated by ball lightening. I did an audition once for the telly, and they told me that although my pointy stick technique was excellent, I was far too shouty and I would probably scare old ladies.



Replacing your wiring with sausages.
The credit card you can use in the afterlife.
'They get awful jiggy, some of these horses.'
More attacks by household appliances
Dr Leonard Skynard explains
Campaigning for the abolition of Tuesdays.
Malevolent operating system
Blurring the border between art and chips
David McGog MP has been at it again
Mrs Whitney has tigers behind her shed.


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