The Sandwich: #365

The Sandwich


It's not every day that you meet an estate agent in a cave who seems to know all about your ongoing attempts to track down your giant missing sandwich. In fact, if I'm honest, it had only happened to me twice before, although in one case he hadn't been a proper estate agent, just the man who put up the "For Sale" signs. So when this guy seemed to know all about my struggle, I was somewhere between flummoxed and flabbergasted.

And it wasn't just him; he took me to meet the rest of his people. There was a whole tribe of estate agents in a clearing in the jungle, living in a series of bamboo huts - by which I mean a picturesque village of affordable starter homes constructed from locally sourced sustainable materials and with easy access to shops and other nearby amenities. They all seemed to know about my adventures - the gentlemen estate agents, the lady estate agents, the little boy and girl estate agents. They had their own newsletter about me, they drew pictures and even acted out little dramas about my exploits.

"Tell us!" they cried. "Tell us all about your adventures in another dimension! Tell us what it was like when you were in that banjo band with the meerkats? Tell us what happened to that outboard motor that you bought in episode twenty-eight! Tell us your whole story, in detail, right from the very beginning!"

I really didn't know how to feel about this. I was all ready to jack it all in and go home, and yet here, in this wilderness, was a group of people who were actually interested in my doings. Admittedly, there was only and handful of them, they were weirdos and I had nothing but contempt for them, but an audience is an audience, right? So we sat around a camp fire and while they picked fleas off each other and tried to sell each other bungalows, I cast my mind back to the very beginning and started to unfold my tale.

"I moved the fridge yester-Wednesday," I told them sombrely, "and I found an old sandwich, all stinked up and loathsome. Ham and cheese, I think it may have been once upon a while. Normally I would hurl something like that onto the roof with all the other sludgy nonsense, but this one was different..."



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