Then you need to get in touch with...
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc.
Well, no matter what you've lost, Christopher Columbus Discoveries, Inc. guarantees to find it.
I'm Christopher Columbus IX - or possibly X, or XI. Whatever. My family has been in the business of finding stuff ever since my illustrious ancestor first discovered America in 1492 - a continent which is still in use today!
Of course, most of the major land masses have been discovered now. If there are any left, the chances are that they are so well hidden that they may never see the light of day. But with over three hundred years' experience to call on, our friendly, family firm can still offer an unparalleled service.
Remember the tomb of Tutankhamen? What about the wreck of the Titanic? Well, we didn't discover those, but Mr Christian Pyle of Northampton was very grateful when we managed to find the watch that he had mislaid during a trip to the cinema. Likewise, Mrs Carol Prontt was more than happy when we managed to find her missing Yorkshire terrier wedged down the back of the sofa. And Mr and Mrs Howard Stewart were certainly glad they gave us a call the night that they couldn't find their way home from the pub."