Due to a fault in one of our packaging machines, a number of boxes of the above product have been found to contain small canoes, vaulting horses and other items of sports equipment. This problem has now been rectified, and it is believed that only a small quantity escaped our rigorous quality control procedures. Nevertheless, in the interests of safety, we advise anyone who has recently bought the product to return it to the place of purchase for a full refund.
It must be stressed that these foreign items are in no way injurious to health. There is a slight risk of a canoe becoming wedged in the windpipe if the product is eaten hastily, but otherwise they are perfectly safe, being broken down quite easily in the digestive system and then passed with only a moderate amount of pain and discomfort.
Recent reports of Mr Eric Tabmow of Leicester choking on a pair of spiked running shoes sandwiched between the two layers of a custard cream have sparked unnecessary alarm. It must be pointed out that Mr Tabmow was very old and infirm, and would probably have died soon anyway. Likewise Mrs Erica Felch of Cheltenham, who died as a result of her injuries when a Formula 3 racing car caught fire in her lower colon. Admittedly, Mrs Felch was a perfectly healthy young woman, but we reason that anyone who can happily munch their way through a 168 horsepower motor vehicle without noticing anything amiss is bound to come a cropper sooner or later.
Note: This warning does not apply to the McKenzie's Luxury Assortment, special packs of which contain a 14,000 seat Olympic Stadium as part of an ongoing promotion.
Thank You for your co-operation.
If you've got a drooping rose bush, a sagging hydrangea or a bent tulip then Petunia Mulch can help.
Visit the Toast Museum in Stoke-on-Trent!
Try out the new Swearomatic
For the first time ever twitchers can enjoy high definition birds in 12 billion colours
Picturesque county goes on tour.
Eradicate the shame of thinning nose hair
21 March 2017: Hypnotic Wipes to Tackle Information Leakage
16 March 2017: Space Junk
14 March 2017: Ladder Ordeal Enters Sixteenth Hour