Tax, What Tax?

UBO

We're here today with Sir John Wyndrell, of Wyndrell Holdings.

Sir John

Nope, sorry, never heard of them.

UBO

I beg your pardon?

Sir John

This Winsome Holdings, or whatever.

UBO

Wyndrell Holdings.

Sir John

Yes, them. Can't say I've ever come across them.

UBO

You are the company's managing director.

Sir John

I don't know who gave you that idea.

UBO

Well, when we phoned your office...

Sir John

No, don't have an office.

UBO

... your secretary told us that...

Sir John

Don't have a secretary. Good job too. Don't have an office, you see, so there would be nowhere for her to work.

UBO

Sir John, when we phoned your office your secretary told us that you were the very person we needed to talk to in connection with Wyndrell Holdings.

Sir John

Can't see how she could have. Apart from anything else, I don't have a phone. No, I'm afraid there must have been some terrible mix up. I'm nothing to do with this Winkle Holdings of which you speak.

UBO

But you're listed as a director by Companies House.

Sir John

Must be some other feller.

UBO

You are regularly quoted in newspapers and periodicals as a spokesman for the firm.

Sir John

I think you must have an overactive imagination.

UBO

It was printed on the business card you gave us when you came in.

Sir John

Well, yes... what? Oh, Wyndrell Holdings! Sorry, I must have misheard. I have an ear infection. Yes, now you come to mention it, I think I do have some slight connection with the firm.

UBO

Perhaps, then, you could comment on certain details concerning tax affairs that have recently come to light?

Sir John

Well, I'm not sure I have those details at my fingertips. Vis-à-vis the company structure, I usually find myself more on the catering side of things.

UBO

I'm sure you can fill us in on the basics. We understand that Wyndrell Holdings is not registered in the UK?

Sir John

Yes it is.

UBO

No it isn't.

Sir John

Well all right, but so what?

UBO

In recent days speculation has focussed on your use of a tax haven to avoid paying tax.

Sir John

Ah, I think you mean evade paying tax.

UBO

Do we?

Sir John

Evade? Avoid? Which one is it that is legal? Either way, there is nothing illegal about what we're doing. Not that I know what we're doing, of course. We're probably not doing anything.

UBO

Don't you think it's rather unethical?

Sir John

Look I think you're being terribly parochial about all this. We operate in a global market. We have to be based somewhere - who cares if it's Panama or the British Virgin Islands or Timbuctoo for that matter?

UBO

Or the Moon?

Sir John

Yes, well... what's that?

UBO

Your company's registered office is on the Moon.

Sir John

Well exactly... err...

UBO

Commuting must be a bit of a problem. Is it actually possible to register a company on the Moon?

Sir John

I imagine it must be if, as you say, my company is registered there.

UBO

So how does it work, then? After all, there is no one there to register it with.

Sir John

Yes there is. There's a little feller who works out of an office in the Sea of Tranquillity.

UBO

No there isn't.

Sir John

Yes there is.

UBO

No there isn't. There hasn't been anyone on the Moon since 1972.

Sir John

He's been on his lunch break.

UBO

All right, we can see that we're not going to get any sense from you.

Sir John

Yes you are.

UBO

Obviously you were determined from the outset that you were just going to be silly.

Sir John

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

UBO

I think we'll bring this interview to a close, Sir John.

Sir John

Sir who? I don't think I've met him, but if I should bump into him I'll let you know you're looking for him. Bye.