UBO:
We're here today with Sir John Wyndrell, of Wyndrell Holdings.
Sir John:
Nope, sorry, never heard of them.
UBO:
I beg your pardon?
Sir John:
This Winsome Holdings, or whatever.
UBO:
Wyndrell Holdings.
Sir John:
Yes, them. Can't say I've ever come across them.
UBO:
You are the company's managing director.
Sir John:
I don't know who gave you that idea.
UBO:
Well, when we phoned your office...
Sir John:
No, don't have an office.
UBO:
... your secretary told us that...
Sir John:
Don't have a secretary. Good job too. Don't have an office, you see, so there would be nowhere for her to work.
UBO:
Sir John, when we phoned your office your secretary told us that you were the very person we needed to talk to in connection with Wyndrell Holdings.
Sir John:
Can't see how she could have. Apart from anything else, I don't have a phone. No, I'm afraid there must have been some terrible mix up. I'm nothing to do with this Winkle Holdings of which you speak.
UBO:
But you're listed as a director by Companies House.
Sir John:
Must be some other feller.
UBO:
You are regularly quoted in newspapers and periodicals as a spokesman for the firm.
Sir John:
I think you must have an overactive imagination.
UBO:
It was printed on the business card you gave us when you came in.
Sir John:
Well, yes... what? Oh, Wyndrell Holdings! Sorry, I must have misheard. I have an ear infection. Yes, now you come to mention it, I think I do have some slight connection with the firm.
UBO:
Perhaps, then, you could comment on certain details concerning tax affairs that have recently come to light?
Sir John:
Well, I'm not sure I have those details at my fingertips. Vis-à-vis the company structure, I usually find myself more on the catering side of things.
UBO:
I'm sure you can fill us in on the basics. We understand that Wyndrell Holdings is not registered in the UK?
Sir John:
Yes it is.
UBO:
No it isn't.
Sir John:
Well all right, but so what?
UBO:
In recent days speculation has focussed on your use of a tax haven to avoid paying tax.
Sir John:
Ah, I think you mean evade paying tax.
UBO:
Do we?
Sir John:
Evade? Avoid? Which one is it that is legal? Either way, there is nothing illegal about what we're doing. Not that I know what we're doing, of course. We're probably not doing anything.
UBO:
Don't you think it's rather unethical?
Sir John:
Look I think you're being terribly parochial about all this. We operate in a global market. We have to be based somewhere - who cares if it's Panama or the British Virgin Islands or Timbuctoo for that matter?
UBO:
Or the Moon?
Sir John:
Yes, well... what's that?
UBO:
Your company's registered office is on the Moon.
Sir John:
Well exactly... err...
UBO:
Commuting must be a bit of a problem. Is it actually possible to register a company on the Moon?
Sir John:
I imagine it must be if, as you say, my company is registered there.
UBO:
So how does it work, then? After all, there is no one there to register it with.
Sir John:
Yes there is. There's a little feller who works out of an office in the Sea of Tranquillity.
UBO:
No there isn't.
Sir John:
Yes there is.
UBO:
No there isn't. There hasn't been anyone on the Moon since 1972.
Sir John:
He's been on his lunch break.
UBO:
All right, we can see that we're not going to get any sense from you.
Sir John:
Yes you are.
UBO:
Obviously you were determined from the outset that you were just going to be silly.
Sir John:
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
UBO:
I think we'll bring this interview to a close, Sir John.
Sir John:
Sir who? I don't think I've met him, but if I should bump into him I'll let you know you're looking for him. Bye.