For the past few weeks homes up and down the country have been the lucky recipient of our specially selected range of interesting vegetables. Now, for the first time ever, Veg-U-Like gives you, the consumer, the opportunity to acquire your very own selection of fascinating vegetable produce.
Brussel sprouts, runner beans, water melons. Hey, why not collect the whole set? So long as we can bung it in an envelope, the sky's the limit!
Each vegetable is individually engraved and comes complete with its own certificate of authentication, personally signed by Johnny Ball, the popular children's television presenter.
This really is a once in a lifetime opportunity, a marvellous introduction to the magical pastime that is vegetable collecting. Thrill to the excitement and danger of the Giant Amazonian Chick-Pea! Wonder at the beauty and splendour of the Venezuelan Emperor Turnip! Feel the chill in your blood as you witness the dark and mysterious Potatoes of Death! From humble peas and sweetcorn, you will soon see your collection expand to include exotic delights such as pawpaws, mangoes and leopards*.
Reply now and you will discover a whole new world of excitement and wonder.
Yes! As an additional incentive, if you reply within the next fourteen years you will receive ABSOLUTELY FREE, AT NO EXTRA COST the best selling 'Vegetables Through The Ages'. This fascinating reference work gives an invaluable insight into the role vegetables have played in world history. Read how cauliflower was instrumental in Napoleon's retreat from Moscow. Learn of the importance of parsnips during the early years of the American Space Program. Understand the military advantages Genghis Khan was able to gain by talking to artichokes in the middle of the night. With a fully illustrated glossary and over five hundred pages of text, all smelling of beetroot, this volume is an essential addition to anybody's library. Especially if you're really into vegetables.
Rue De La Carrot,
*WARNING: Our lawyers have advised us to point out that the leopard is not, strictly speaking, a vegetable. Leopards are huge animals with spots and pointy teeth, and are generally considered to be more dangerous than the average vegetable. For instance, not many people have ever claimed to have been bitten by a tomato, whereas leopards are doing this sort of thing all the time. Caution is therefore advised.
Mankind's fascination with his hirsute neighbour in space
Is the strawberry a fruit of an animal?
Dating at 150mph.
New Discovery Casts Light on Prophet's Death.
Become fluent in Venusian!
Replacing your wiring with sausages.
21 March 2017: Hypnotic Wipes to Tackle Information Leakage
16 March 2017: Space Junk
14 March 2017: Ladder Ordeal Enters Sixteenth Hour