A revolutionary new breakthrough in beard technology!
Men, do you need to grow a beard? Fast?

Then you need to get in touch with us here at Bristletech Industries.

Over the last few years, Bristletech has supplied quality, pre-grown beards to over fifty thousand satisfied customers.

And demand is growing.

We already operate twenty large-scale beard farms in Europe and the Middle East, and this year we have plans to acquire eight more. Our largest covers over twenty acres on the outskirts of Milan and has recently received a special award from the Grand Council of Affiliated Whisker Inspectors.

Our secret? Well, it's really no secret at all. We sow our fields with top grade beard seed, water, nourish and wait for nature to do her work.

When (and only when) the beards have ripened in the warm Mediterranean sun, we pick them and take them along to the stamping plant to be cut into shape.

Finally, they are delicately finished by hand - trimmed, tinted and carefully combed, before being shipped out to department stores and boutiques all over the world.

Whatever kind of beard you want, whether it's a sophisticated goatee, to a full blown fuzz-fest - we can supply exactly what you need.


Building Our Business on a Firm Base


Tough, durable and fully machine washable, a Bristletech beard will last you a lifetime and make you the envy of your friends and colleagues

Bristletech Industries

Available from all good stores
Order now and get a free pair of complimentary eyebrows, while stocks last!


Beard Catalogue

- click here to visit our online catalogue -

Return to Archive 3

The Annual 2018


The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...



Promo Image

Operation Scorched Earth

Chief Inspector Wilbur Violence of the Essex police force has been in the news.

Promo Image

Fact Blast

Donald Fact's collectable card series.

Promo Image

It's a Fact!

with Donald Fact

Promo Image

Knitting in Colour

Introduction of the first colour knitting patterns.

Promo Image

Cut Price Chips

You like chips. You like lots of chips.

Promo Image

Did Man Really Go to Belgium?

All that stuff you saw at Mission Control was just for show


Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs


Latest blog entries...

22 December 2017: How to Look After Your Cement Mixer

21 December 2017: Evening Classes at The University of the Bleeding Obvious

20 December 2017: A Ding-Dong over Duvets

Copyright © 2001