A revolutionary new breakthrough in beard technology!
Men, do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Then you need to get in touch with us here at Bristletech Industries.
Over the last few years, Bristletech has supplied quality, pre-grown beards to over fifty thousand satisfied customers.
And demand is growing.
We already operate twenty large-scale beard farms in Europe and the Middle East, and this year we have plans to acquire eight more. Our largest covers over twenty acres on the outskirts of Milan and has recently received a special award from the Grand Council of Affiliated Whisker Inspectors.
Our secret?
Well, it's really no secret at all. We sow our fields with top grade beard seed, water, nourish and wait for nature to do her work.
When (and only when) the beards have ripened in the warm Mediterranean sun, we pick them and take them along to the stamping plant to be cut into shape.
Finally, they are delicately finished by hand - trimmed, tinted and carefully combed, before being shipped out to department stores and boutiques all over the world.
Whatever kind of beard you want, whether it's a sophisticated goatee, to a full blown fuzz-fest - we can supply exactly what you need.
Bristletech
Building Our Business on a Firm Base
Tough, durable and fully machine washable, a Bristletech beard will last you a lifetime and make you the envy of your friends and colleagues
Bristletech Industries
Available from all good stores
Order now and get a free pair of complimentary eyebrows, while stocks last!
Our catalogue:
Bristletech Industries
- Ten years of quality whiskers -
Choose from our extensive range of shapes, colours and textures.
Below is just a small selection of our most popular lines.
Order Number: 944-5L
The Faceplug 9000
The Faceplug fits snugly over the mouth and chin forming a water-tight bond. Very popular with divers.
Order Number: 15-6B/A
The Chincreeper
Excellent for concealing a variety of foodstuffs, small animals and other items of a personal nature.
Order Number: 004-QE
Waterfall
Designed by celebrated sculptor Darius Quimm to mark Queen Elizabeth II's Golden Jubilee. Her Majesty was presented with a specially engraved edition, which she wore for the State Opening of Parliament.
Order Number: 10944
Classic Square Cut
Based on designs passed down from father to son since the Middle Ages. Available in several different flavours, including peppermint, strawberry and cheese & onion.
Order Number: 952-1R
Mysterio
Who knows what dark intent lies behind this extraordinary beard? Danger, intrigue, excitement - it's all there. That's the magic of Mysterio...
Order Number: 825-1L/H
Butch
Rough, rugged and built to last. This is a real beard for a real man. Oh no, there's nothing even remotely camp about this, no sir. Also available in mauve.
Order Number: 95-KL
Aerofoil
Designed by qualified aircraft designers, this beard and moustache combo has been known to reach speeds of up to 250 mph under test conditions. Not recommended for children under 12.
Order Number: 555-BB
Gordon's Alive!
The ultimate in luxury face furniture. You cannot fail to impress when you turn up to the latest swanky party sporting this little number. First attack wave, deiiiiiive!
Quality beards for every occasion!
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