Jaggedy

Mrs Doreen Lubricant has invested a considerable amount of her own money on an outlandish scheme to make the coastline of Great Britain 'less jaggedy'.

"You take a good look at any map of Britain," she explains, "and it becomes painfully obvious what the real problem with this country is: the edges of it are all ragged. You've got bits jutting out here and there, and great big bulges all over the place.

"It looks a proper sight, I must say. What visitors think of us when they come over here, I don't know. No wonder we have slipped so far in the estimation of the rest of the world when we can't even keep our own coastline tidy."

A vigorous campaign of sanding and planing

To rectify this situation, Mrs Lubricant is searching for as many volunteers as possible to join her in a vigorous campaign of sanding and planing, with the eventual aim of making Britain's coastline smoother and more streamlined.

She has also written to the government in the hope of enlisting official backing for her project, but so far the response has been lukewarm.

Individual concerns

"Whilst we always make the effort to be sensitive to individual concerns," said David Contour, government spokesman for geography, "in this particular case we can't avoid coming to the conclusion that this woman is an absolute basket case.

"As I understand it, Mrs Lubricant's efforts to smooth down the coastline have already resulted in instances of criminal damage to private property. And, whilst I am sympathetic to her claims that 'some of the pointy bits are a danger to shipping', I'm afraid the government cannot condone the wilful destruction of the environment.

"Quite frankly, the woman is a menace, her ideas are ludicrous and the only thing that commends her bizarre and unnatural scheme is that it would involve the almost total eradication of East Anglia."

 

UK Mpa

 

 

Return to Archive 3

The University of the Bleeding Obvious's Private Bits

Private Bits

72 pages of previously unseen material including Formula 1 Shopping Trolley Racing, Knee Operations for Fruit Flies, Quantum Farming, a visit to The Book Crevice, Gary the Builder, and The Affair of the Flat Vicar, a brand new adventure for the eminent Belgian dick, Anton La Cranque.

All this and more will only be available in this volume as a PDF and is yours for a measly £1 - yes £1 (or whatever the equivalent is in your fancy foreign money). To download it now, click here.

Click here to close this box

Private Bits

Private Bits

This 70-page PDF is packed full of silly stuff you won't find anywhere else.

Download here for just £1.

The UBO Annual 2021

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2021

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2020

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2020

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2018

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2017

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 1

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 1

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 2

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 2

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Never be burnt alive by indecision again
Impure current and questionable voltage
Guaranteed flameproof
We are pillowried on message boreds and internet flora
Revenue collection is an evolving art
Certificates in made up disciplines
Have you seen these men?
New dice for fatalists.
Traditional pastry
Mrs Whitney has tigers behind her shed.

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

24 February 2021: A New Direction

13 January 2021: Welcome to Little Mungford

23 December 2020: Very Disappointing. Avoid.

www.bleeding-obvious.co.uk
Copyright ©