Nature has a symphony of her own: the crash of waves upon the shore, the song of the whale, the chattering babble of a brook and the haunting whistle of the wind.
These sounds can put us in touch with our inner selves, awaken our primal instincts and allow us to feel the heartbeat of our planet.
Well, Sounds of Nature have now released a whole new range of inspirational CDs that will energise and stimulate your spirit, utilising the powerful reinvigorating forces of Mother Earth herself. Relax with Chickens is a ninety-minute journey through a battery farm, complete with excited squawking and straining noises, and is an ideal way to relax after a hard day at the office. Meanwhile, Ducks Belching demonstrates Mother Nature at her most playful, and is guaranteed to bring a smile to the face of the weariest of souls.
The full collection of 12 CDs can be yours now for the limited offer price of just £10.49. Plus! Buy now and receive Two Dogs Shagging absolutely free. To order, simply cut the coupon out of your screen and send it to the address on the reverse.
Please rush me the latest collection of pretentious New Age claptrap. I don't get out a lot and I watch QVC far too much, so I'd probably end up blowing the cash on geodes, or aromatherapy oil, or candles anyway.
Tick this box if you think you're a vampire
Remember, these CDs are not available in the shops - because I just made them up - but you'll probably be able to find something very similar.
Mountain range requires repointing.
Buy it. Now.
Squawk squawk squawk squawk squawk squawk.
From the good people at Funmeals.
It's for their own good
Darrens are dying out in Essex.
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