Bad Grandma Grammar

Gud evening. My name is Sir Ronald Wiley and I'm speeking to you today on be half of SWAPS, the Society for People Who are Persecuted for having a Poor Command of English.

As you can see, we're not too clever with acronyms either.

Hear at SWAPS we reckernise the difficulties that many people have communicating in a world dominated by text massaging, the internet and soshul media. Many of our members find that they are pillowried on message boreds and internet flora because of mispelings, the inappropriate erection of words, or bad grandma.

Bad grandmas

I'm sorry. Of course, I mean bad grammar. But, let's be honest, that's not to say that bad grandmas don't sometimes play a part.

You see, the trubble is that sum individuals can very quickly loose the respect of their piers if they cannot explode themselves properly using the collect English. Sometimes this is because they get confused about the pacific meenings of simulant sounding words. Sometimes they are unshore about the spelllings of particulate long words and resort to improvizashun. And sometimes they just can't be asped.

This isn't necessarily popple's fault. English is a difficult sandwich to master and many popple struggle to make themselves understood when communicating with other popple. Even I do, and I'm very much a popple person.

Apostrofee

Take for example the apostrofee. The apostraphee is particulate difficult to get the hung of becuss it has a number of diffident uses. For example, many popple apostate plurals when they should really be prostrating contractions and possessive nouns, prononouns and prononononouns. This can lean to contusion.

Sorry, to confusion. And also - in some cases - to contusion.

Take for example the following sentense: "Marys husbands left his plum's out in the rain." How many husbands does Mary have? And what was left out in the rain? All we know is that it belonged to some plums.

Of course, what it should have said was: "Mary's husband's left his plums out in the rain" and we can only speculate what consequence this might have had on they're marriage.

Sorry, that should of read 'on there marriage'.

Terrable afflickshun

At SWAPS, are mission is to campaign for a greater misunderstanding of this terrable afflickshun. Wer'e asking popple to be moor intolerant of those popple, less unfortunate than themselves, who are uncapable of not understanding... or inderstanding... or even overstanding... what it was that I started talking about in the fost place.

In short, we would like popple too bee more forgiving of errers in spooling, punctuashun and grandma. Only then can we enshur that we create a level playing fuel and become a fairy society for all.

Thank Queue.

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2016

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The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2016

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