In a much anticipated announcement, Dr Rosemary Dulux of the Royal Institute of Mixing it Up in Greenwich revealed that she has finally discovered the square root of the colour green. "Turns out that it's a slightly pallid shade of yellow," she announced yesterday to an eager assembly of shady designers, blushing paint manufacturers and one somewhat gaudy collector of felt tip pens from Stevenage.
This is the culmination of over twenty years' work for Dr Dulux, who hails from a family of celebrated colourologists. Her father championed several new shades of orange in the seventies and her great great uncle invented purple in 1926, despite spending the majority of his life in black and white.
This discovery points the way to new improved industrial processes for making green things, but Dr Dulux's work doesn't end there. "I believe we're only really beginning to understand the mathematical basis for colour," she told us. "What happens when you divide blue by red? Can indigo be expressed to more than four decimal places? And what exactly does minus brown look like?"
But the question that Dr Dulux really wants to answer is whether 'pink' is actually a real colour. Pink is a theoretical impossibility because it is not a primary colour itself and cannot be made by mixing other primary colours. This has led various people to speculate that it's actually the result of complex tones spilling into this plane of existence from a parallel dimension. Dr Dulux disagrees and believes that if she can find a way of describing it scientifically it will pave the way for the discovery of new exotic colours such as 'burple', 'flistergringe' and 'splink'.
Y'know, wouldn't it be just awesome to be able to fly, or be invisible or have like superpower x-ray vision, or something?
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